The Impact of COVID19 that I didn’t expect
Having all day to yourself. No alarm clock to break your reverie as you slumber. No rush to catch the 7.10am bus to the city. No calendar full of meetings getting in the way of what you would really rather be doing.
Sounds great doesn’t it?
And in the right circumstances it would be. But these aren’t the circumstances that I planned for. My time off the hamster wheel was supposed to look a lot different than this. I had saved up and carefully planned how the next 6 to 9 months would play out.
Travelling the world. Exploring. Learning about the world, and about different cultures. Picking up some of the local lingo. Sampling the best street food. Sometimes just spending the day finding the quietest beach to read on.
Then the world changed. And it changed fast. Just a few days before we were due to leave Sydney and head overseas, countries started closing their borders. Slowly at first. Keeping track of which countries were deemed “high risk”, I still thought that we would be on our way as planned.
The most common question in the days before our planned departure was “how will the virus affect your travel plans?” And in hindsight, my answer sounds naive. “Oh, it won’t affect us too much. We will just avoid countries like China, and continue our travels as normal.”
Simply the amount of times I was asked this question started to become a little overwhelming. It got to the point where I dreaded starting a conversation with someone because I knew what the first question was going to be. And that I was going to have to appear all positive, and in control of the situation. Whereas, in reality, I couldn’t have been less in control. The virus was in charge. I was just reacting.
And I was reacting in the same way right up until the weekend before we left. Still trotting out the same response. I am not sure how strong I could have remained had I told myself anything different. If I had changed my internal narrative. It was taking all my reserves, and meditation practice to keep focussed.
Packing up the apartment on the Sunday afternoon I started getting a sense of dread. More countries were closing their borders, and to accommodate the reduced demand for overseas travel, airlines were cancelling most of their overseas flights. Maybe, just maybe, we should still head to Singapore and see what happens. Perhaps it was time to start being honest with myself. Stare into the abyss. Accept that my dream of travelling the world would not be happening.
What tipped the scales, and finally made me face reality was the news coming out later in the day that the states within Australia were planning on closing their internal borders. Now, this was a big problem. By the following day, not only would we have no jobs, but we would have nowhere to live. And if the internal borders closed, we would have to find somewhere to rent in New South Wales, for an interminable amount of time. An outcome that I could not contemplate. I would feel trapped. Boxed in.
Hurriedly, we conferred. And within minutes landed on a new plan. The plan we had hoped to put into place in 12 months time. Post our travels. We will just go to Perth, Western Australia, and take it from there. At least we would be where we wanted to eventually be. We could try and start a life on the west coast as we planned.
I whipped out my phone and opened the Qantas app. There were still flights leaving the day after. I didn’t hesitate. And within 24 hours we were still in Australia, but in a new state.
So now, here we are in Perth. With no jobs, and all day to do as we please. Except our travel funds did not budget for the Australian cost of living. Rent. Groceries. And our mobile phone bills, so we still have data for the internet based job search.
Mentally, not only do I have to process the fact that we are not travelling, but also that we are spending our precious funds that are allocated for travelling. Which means we need to find jobs. I’m learning that this is easier said than done. Not only is Perth a much smaller job market from the one we left in Sydney, but that job market has contracted even further as a result of COVID19. Who could possibly want to recruit in the current climate?
But we need to keep looking. And keep trying. Which means that whilst we do have all day to ourselves, at the back of my mind I am hoping for the phone to ring, hearing back from any of the jobs we have applied for. Checking emails for any responses from recruiters. And generally being a little on edge mentally, all day. It gets draining. As strange as it sounds, I feel I can only really relax on weekends. As I know that other people aren’t working, and therefore I can’t expect any phone calls about jobs.
Some days I wake up and feel very flat. Unable to look forward to the day ahead. Without any structure, and worrying about whether today will be the day I will hear about a job, it is hard to enjoy the simple things. I’m struggling to focus on reading fiction. Which is something I have heard from other people. What is it about our real life that is making it hard to read of made up lives?
The only thing left is my writing, which seems to be the one thing I can actually focus on. So here we are, me and my keyboard.
Like my old life, I look forward to Saturday rolling around. The weekend. Knowing everyone else is off work helps me relax as I don’t need to worry about watching the phone, or my inbox.
Finally, I can breathe easy.
